[cedar james at two]

funny bedtime prayers:

cedar: thank you, jesus, for mama, papa, oma-dahhling, opa.

amanda: and what about our baby?

cedar: thank you jesus for breakfast.

[photos by steve chee]

• re-enacting every fall & bump for us. "cedar fall like that" & then staying in his landing position until we see it.
• loves holding baby ezra sparrow all by himself. "mama, let go, please!"
• loves coloring & wants everyone to draw airplanes for him
• learned how to jump & now does it all the time
• had an airplane cake for his birthday & got a mr. potato head from mama & papa
• refers to daniel's mom, always, as "oma-dahhhh-ling"
• says the word "please" for way longer than necessary, "cedar have ____ pleeeeeeeeease?"
• has memorized bob dylan's forever young & likes to sing it before bed [see video below!]
• still sweet, gentle & cute as can be, but now interspersed with toddler tantrums & stubbornness

fruit & the journey [4 years in cambodia]

(In the fall of last year, we crossed the 4 year marker & are now well into our 5th year in Cambodia.  I really wanted to share some reflections on crossing the 4-year mark & all the lessons we've learned, but somehow (or more likely, someone.... eh hem, ezra sparrow!) its taken awhile to collect my thoughts & now here we are, nearly 6 months later.  But I think the reflections are still relevant, so here are some thoughts on spending four years here.)

[4 years: 4 talstras: picture by savady photography]

We aren't changing the world & that just might be ok.  Maybe, very few people are called to change the whole wide world after all.

We're trying to make small changes in the lives of Cambodian returnees & Cambodian women.  & that work is not glamorous   For us, to use our talents here, means we can most often be found working behind the scenes at a desk, or in a meeting room somewhere working on strategic planning, in board meetings, dreaming up new ways to work & to connect with supporters.  it means we spend a lot of time writing to ask for funding (because Cambodians have the skills & the passion to change their communities, just not always the means), monitoring that funding, then reporting on that funding .  

Rinse.  Wash.  Repeat.

But even that small contribution is not a good measure.  Funders can be fickle   Projects can fail.  Staff you trust can betray.  

So maybe, in the end, success is measured in the process.  In the means, if not always in the ends.

Did I speak to that person with love?  Did we go about our daily tasks with joy?  Did we contribute to peace in our conduct?    Were we patient with that colleague?  Was our kindness evident to all?  Did we focus on the goodness of those around us?  Did our lives & how we worked testify to the faithfulness of God?  Did we remain gentle in the face of violence & injustice?  Self-controlled in all the moral brokenness around us?

[painting by christina of alepka arts]

Isaiah 58: 10-11 says that if we spend ourselves on behalf of the oppressed that we will be like well-watered springs.  We're still grappling (& often failing) with what it means to spend ourselves for others, especially now with 2 sweet little ones in tow. 

But somehow in His mercy, God has already given us the well-watered garden.  

Against even our own expectations, our little family has thrived here.  & so when I look back on 4 years in the Kingdom of Wonder, my overwhelming reflection is deep gratitude.  To the Lord, who has so faithfully guided us, protected us, & given us the garden.  & to you, our community, spread wide, who have watered us by supporting, encouraging, & even visiting us.

4 years in & many hard lessons later - we.are.so.blessed.

& as we look forward to 2 more years, please pray that we would live here with our eyes wide open & that we would see.  It is all too easy to walk/ride through this city, thinking of "to do" lists, whats for dinner, weekend plans, & in doing so, to miss the seeing.

Seeing the children digging through garbage, the recycling ladies carrying naked babies in their carts, the beggars, the real poverty, cruelty & squalor.  But also the LIFE, the smiles, the commitment for justice, the solidarity, & the kindness.

Please pray that our eyes would be wide, our hearts brave, & that despite the distractions, for us to

 Be.Here.Now.

snapshots [january 2013]

[thanks to steve chee & hannah smith for their photographic contributions to this month's snapshots]

she's a keeper [ezra at four months]

while we weren't looking someone sneakily replaced our sleepy newborn with a bright-eyed, chubby, crazy smiling four-month old.

ezra sparrow at four months is an absolute delight.  she fills her time cooing for hours (quite loudly, actually!) every morning & has officially grown up & out of all her newborn clothes.  she spends a lot time smiling (her baby-experienced oma says she may be the smiliest baby she's ever seen) & begins every crazy-eyed, happy smile with her mouth wide open, like she's trying to swallow the whole-wide beautiful world.

she adamantly refuses bottles & pacifiers, which means she can never be away from her mama too long, but she happily sucks on pinky fingers to help her fall asleep.  she still loves to be swaddled at night & shrieks like a little girl at the slightest appearance of a wet diaper.  

this month, we love her smiles, we love how content she is, & we love that she's ours for keeps.

dancing ezra [three months]

happy three months, our sweet, smiley, sleepy sparrow!

ezra sparrow & cedar james at three months

[see a resemblance?]

snapshots [november 2012]

just shy of two [cedar james]

its official, we couldn't be any more enamored with this guy than we are right now.

some memories of cedar james, just shy of two years old:

• learning more words every day.  a snapshot of his brain learning two languages: "one more, tiet" (a combination of asking for more in english & khmer)
• calling the new baby "eh-ha spa-wow", & greeting her (even when she's sleeping) with an energetic "HELLO baby!"
• loves playing ball, watching seasame street videos online (especially featuring grover), putting tops on things & everything in their proper place 
• on his own (& despite lots of correction!) has taken to calling us "amanda" & "daniel" (see video below)
• really enjoys drinking mama's coffee, especially if there is whipped cream on it
• most commonly heard phrases: "cedar do it!", "pick you [me] up, please", "what's baby do'in?", "whaa happened?, "cedar brush teeth, too"
• favorite foods: rice, noodles, goldfish crackers & anything fishy tasting or shrimp flavored (basically all khmer food)
• making us smile: "mama, cedar open mouth like turtle!" (while opening his mouth super wide after watching a friend's turtle swimming)

cedar is pretty stubborn about not talking for the camera, but we managed to get him answering a few questions here.